I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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