I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
