ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
