You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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