6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
