I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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