it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
