Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
