the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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