Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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