Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
