3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
