Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
