i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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