You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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