Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
