i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
