i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
