how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
