about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
