he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
