I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
