There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
