and she was petting her beer can
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
