Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
