Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
