Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
