yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
