Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As shirtless as possible
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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