She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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