he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
