Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
