dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
