she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i love accidental penises.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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