I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
