i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
