As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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