my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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