On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
