I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
