i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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