WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
