Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Four minutes until I can fart!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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