Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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