What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
