is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
