Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
