Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
