So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
