Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think your dad took our porno
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
