My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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