i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come see our sink grown plant.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
