I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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