He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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