Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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